People put a lot of pressure on Valentine’s Day. So much sometimes that they refuse to have sex on the magical love day because it’s too contrived. Ahem. IMO it’s just another day. And just like New Year’s Eve and 4th of July and any other loaded holiday, I always manage to have a good time.
This Valentine’s Day I hung out with my cousins and my cousin Robin’s friend, Allison. We decided to get take-out from a new Turkish restaurant in the Mission, Tuba. As the Greek-in-residence, which is almost like Turkish except for the raping and pillaging, I did the food ordering. Now, when I order Mediterranean food, I usually do it more meze-style. Some hummus here, a little pita there, throw in a couple of lamb chops and we’re set. Snack plate. So my ordering was not=so-generous and in reality was probably enough for three people, not five.
Robin, Allison and I went to pick up the take-out. Robin and Allison were both in jeans, looking casual, and I was looking even more casual, sporty even, in my workout pants and a sweater. Tuba, unlike most Mediterranean restaurants, is fancy apparently. So when we walked in to the couple date-heavy restaurant, which was all decked out for Valentine’s Day, we inherently stood out like sore thumbs. In fact, we probably looked like a group of three single girls who were going to eat some lamb chops and then cry while watching “13 Going on 30,” or some other chick flick.
Anyway, after awkwardly standing in the way and getting eyeballed by everyone in the restaurant, we got our food and left. When we got back to the house there was a unanimous decision that we were not an army of ants and I did not order enough food. So I called back and ordered more lamb chops. 2o minutes later, the three of us walked back into the same restaurant to pick up round 2.
None of the employees would look at us in the eye. Not a single one made eye contact! They looked shocked and embarrassed for us and said ‘…we’re you just in here?’ Yeah, dick, we’re back for the second feeding. Oh, I’m sorry that we wanted to pay your business more money to buy more food for the OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARE WAITING FOR US BACK AT HOME, I SWEAR THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE, STOP JUDGING ME. But nooooo, they thought we were some sad, single, overeating chicks were about to go weep into a kebab plate and shit-talk our ex-boyfriends.
So that’s what we did on Valentine’s Day. We enjoyed the All-Turkish Lamb Slam.
Tags: chick flick, cry, entertainment, hilarious, hummus, kabab, lamb, lamb slam, lonely, Mission, sad, San Francisco, single, tuba, turkish, valentine's day
hahahha so cringe it is amazing! you should have gone in again for thirds.
“As the Greek-in-residence, which is almost like Turkish except for the raping and pillaging”
HAHAA any excuse for you psomadakis chicks to throw in a light turkish smackdown